I miss I miss..

This has been a busy week again.. My best friend Raney and I went around Robinson's Place Manila to buy gifts for our exchange gifts. .I knew that she'd be absent in the office today so I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her because I know I'd miss her.. And now, I really do miss her.. She gave me this super huggable bear that I am hugging right now.. She named it Utoy..but i really don't like the name.. it sounds.. hmm.. mabantot..hehe.. so I decided I'd name it Charlie.. besides, it's one of the names she suggested while we we're at the canteen yesterday.. I just peeked at her workstation and see nothing but her turned off monitor.. no sign of her.. am I being too sentimental for missing her so much?.. maybe.. but I don't care.. I just know I miss her presence..and that Charlie's not enough.. although Charlie reminds me of her because of the big big cheeks.. It's what I told her when we saw it at the toy store..actually, it really looks like her.. haha..love you best friend.. but others saw the resemblance too y'know!.... I never expected she'd give it to me though.. I'm just so happy.. but i was kind of stressed that she won't open my gift for her till late afternoon yesterday.. I think she liked it..am i right best friend?.. I wish I could see your curly hair now.. I bet you looked great.. you're prettier than me you know.. any hairstyle will look great in you.. I just hoped It was me who dyed your virgin hair..haha.. I think the color's dark because your hair's not yet used to those chemicals.. I mean look at mine.. I can't even remember how many times I've changed it..hehe.. I am so not going to make you a guy.. you are perfect being a girl.. a very very sweet girl.. I sometimes envy you y'know..i mean i wish i could be like you..
Wish I could see you on Monday.. if not.. well.. my day's gonna be like this again.. dull,quiet and missing you..

One Memorable Night..

Last night was just so overwhelming.. So many things have happened and a mixture of emotions came through me.. It started real bad actually.. I was such in a bad mood I can't even face my other office mates or even talk to them properly.. I was so low because of the stress in my work..and then there's my best friend's dilemma..i got so pissed when she told me she has to go if the most important girl in her life would leave our office..I know how much that person means to her and i know that she'd take the blame if something bad would happen to that girl..I understand that..but I couldn't help gettin' pissed..maybe I was just overreacting..I just don't want her to go..It may not mean that I'll lose her completely..but i'm just sooo not ready having to go through a working day without staring at her back while we're at our desks(I'm not a stalker..really..) having lunch without her,.not seeing her crooked eyebrows with that super poutty lips in her serious mode look..and most of all,.not having those conversations anymore..It's just that having a best friend who's always by your side and who cares for you and you can always whine into makes the "leaving" part hard to imagine..and worse.. go through..I know I was being selfish..but i guess I'm just human..we're all human..that's why I understand her reason for leaving..I understand...sure.. but It doesn't mean It's not gonna hurt me..
I was surprised when she suddenly invited me to go out.. I wanted to leave,I could not face her because I know that she'll know right away what I was feeling.. but then I couldn't say no..I couldn't pull my self away from her..and so we took a cab and went to MOA.. we talked all the while.. and It made my mood lighter..I just couldn't stay mad at her for long.. I miss her immediately and I'd be hesitant to talk to her because it was me who ignored her first..she's always right about me..I always deny that..but I know deep inside that it's only her that could read me thoroughly..and I like that..It made me seem very important.. Anyways, we went to shakey's to grab some dinner..we ordered some mojo's and the most delicious pizza I've ever tasted..(I'm not overreacting on this one)..it's called Pizza Bianca.. and is officially my favorite pizza now..(It was used to be yellow cab's chicken BBQ pizza)..the food was great..and the person I am with is greater..she's truly a blessing to me..I'm not gonna go on the details but what she did for me was so beyond my expectations..I was so relieved and enlightened..i wish that day would come when i can tell her that I'm already free from that scary past..I'm just super super happy..and I thank her for that..
And then we have to go home..I was at the FX and was thinking about how great was our lakad and remembering the taste of that pizza bianca when I suddenly remembered that i have to pee..so i stopped by at Chowking in españa. to use their restroom..I took the last jeep to Balic-Balic and found my self looking at my spliced bag...i lost one of my cellphones (thankfully the older one)...I was in shock..but got over it soon enough..I got home in one piece and that's enough for my family...

Why now..

My Mom and I watched Ben 10 the movie last night..there was this really cute guy there named Kevin..personally I thought he really looks good I mean with he's tall frame,long wavy hair,cute nose and cute lips..but i never thought my mom would comment about him too..she told me "aay.. ang gwapo..ganyan din dapat boyfriend mo anak.." and i just smiled and just answered her with "nyeh!"..and then what she told me next almost made me fall from my seat.."Magboyfriend ka na anak.." Hah!!! I've always waited,wanted to hear that from her and I thought it would make me happy..just happy..i mean not feeling all that guilty because i've had relationships behind her back..not feeling lonely and empty because now that she's open for me to have a relationship.. its now that i can't get my self into one..I couldn't look at my mom.. i just..i just don't know what to say to her..and so I went out..mico was there under our Aratilis tree humming songs i've never heard..i sat next to him and he asked what's wrong.. I told him "i'm fine,why would you ask me that.." ..he said he just doesn't want to see me cry again like how I did when Joy and I had a fight..I don't wanna get mellow with my 10 year old brother so i said "Akala ko 10 ka palang nung birthday mo.. ngaun para ka ng 50.." he punched me hard in my arm with that..I just don't feel like sharing my thoughts to anyone at that time..

Best friendsssss...

I do have a lot of best friends. Each one of them has different personalities. There’s one that would always makes me laugh really hard it makes me cry. He’d go wherever and whenever with me (he doesn’t have a curfew y’know). We’d walk for hours talking about anything and share our views on it. We have this silent agreement between us not to text or even touch our cellphones when we’re together. Of all my best friends, he’d be the nosiest, loudest and super hyper person.

Another best friend would always make me eat exotic foods..I dont know whats up with her family, but they'd always serve unique foods whenever I'm around..She's funny and smart too.. we'd fool around and act like we're fighting..but actually we're just missing each other and enjoying our time together..Our thesis moments had been the best..we'd go out at say 11pm to buy snacks around their neighborhood (we called ourselves Pok-squared), and do our programming till dawn.. her room had witnessed all our crimes and heard all our gossips..there's this one i wouldn't forget, I caught sore eyes from my little brother.. and then i went to her house to continue our thesis,. she never had sore eyes before and so she asked me if i could infect her.. i refused but she got my towel and eagerly brushed it in her eyes.. the next day she got her wish..we all went to our class wearing dark sunglasses..Oh how i miss talking to her...

Then there's my so-called brother.. He calls me "ate jez" and I'd call him Daniel or sometimes Daniella (he'd act like a cute little girl with that). ;we became very close when he found out that my birthday's October 16th.,It was her deceased sister's birthday too.. this guy's the least judgmental person I'd ever met.. he's got a lot of advices, and funny coz no one would ever expect it to come from him..We'd hang-out in our house and talk about his and my love life.. he'd sometimes play ball with my little brother and got wrestled after (My lil bro's super hyper)..he eats like a monster..he can have several servings of rice (sometimes 4,sometimes 5) with just four pieces of siomai..we would always tease and share jokes with each other.. he just couldn't accept that his were more "corny" than mine..he loves criticizing my arms.. and I love criticizing his "baby-talking"..And it makes me sad that those things we usually do before can't be done now..time has passed and his time for me and our friendship seems to fade rather hastily.. I wish he'd know that i just miss having him alone so much that i ignore him whenever we hang-out with our college friends..

And then there’s this best friend of mine that reads me so intently. . She looks at me with those big pretty eyes like some psychiatrist observing her patient. I really don’t know why I’m so transparent to her. Maybe she’s really a psychiatrist or something on her past life. She doesn’t know this (oh now she will) but I really look up to her. Her kindness would always touch my heart. She thinks she’s a bad person but in fact she’s just too honest and too sweet. She would always protect me. When we cross the street, I’d be scared for her coz she just continues to walk straight ahead and I would be like “waaaah!”. And then she’d tell me we won’t be hit and just laugh at me. If you want to be tickled and be caressed, I’d suggest you ask for her massage. That’s how she wants her massage too.. a little press here, caress there, pinch here and that’s it. .See..so strong, yet so fragile..It has been my silent wish to be always around her.. to make her smile and laugh...to be able to be by her side whenever she feels lonely,.I want her to know that she's the very best among my best friends.. I may have not been with her long, but i know in my heart that i want her in my life forever.,She'll always be the sweetest Rane.